Pulse
by dsaANON
Summary: That gentle voice that softly coos in your ear - telling you: everthing is alright; everything is okay... Telling you to let go.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Fair warning this entire fic is going to be relatively short. Read this with the knowledge that it will not be an extensive multi-chapter fic

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**Be Still My Heart**

'Be still my heart. Soon, it will all be okay.'

_Fear engulfed your gaze – those forest green gems that I had come to love were blurred with horror and panic._

_You gasped my name as you struggled – clawing and fighting to no avail._

'Be still my heart – there is no need to fear.'

_My breath choked in my throat as tears streamed down my face – unrestrained grief, despair and anguish settled in my chest._

_I looked down upon you – unable to stop; unable to move; unable to relieve you of this pain._

'Be still my heart – let us end this struggle.'

_I watched as the light in your eyes dimmed. My tears that fell - trickled down your cheek. Your hands and nails that desperately clawed and pried at mine lost all life and soon collapsed to your side._

_I released my hold upon your once pristine neck – to reveal the bruised skin I had caused. I stared at my accursed hands – my hateful and detestable hands that can never be washed clean from the bloods it's been stained with – less now than ever._

'Why? Why have I done this?'

The distant roar of the wave crashing against the cliffs below was a soothing hum to my turbulent heart.

I looked at my hands again in disgust.

'How could I have done such a thing? How could I have done that to you?'

Tears flowed from my eyes once again and my heart torn open from those images I recalled.

The feeling of nausea jumped in my throat but I fought it back – I looked out and far into the horizon – the pinkish purple glow reflected in both the sky and the ocean and I hardened my resolve.

'_Be still my heart. Everything will be okay._'

It was time I stopped these atrocious limbs of mine – stop them from hurting; stop them from killing ever again.

I grasped the road barrier as I looked down the long fall into jagged rock – where unforgiving waves slammed themselves against.

'_Be still my heart – don't be afraid._'

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I prepared to climb over my obstacle.

It was the only way to stop these murderous hands of mine from doing the one thing I cannot forgive myself for; the one thing I'd rather die than watch myself do - again and again.

'_Be still my heart – let us put an end to this._'

I took my final breath – breathing in deeply, closing my eyes and opening them again to look into the vibrant skies above.

The images of you appear before me again – the horror; the pain; the struggle – I can no longer tell between what is real and what is not.

"Shizuru! Stop!" I hear your voice scream once more.

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**A/N:** Yes there are more chapters to come, and don't worry - as always - there will be a happy ending... maybe... Muahahaha!


	2. Chapter 2

**Rest Easy, My Love**

"Shizuru! Stop!" I screamed to her.

But she didn't turn to look at me; she didn't respond – her only reaction was to take her hands off from the rails to cover her ears in distress.

She shook and grasped at her hair - hunched over - she shrunk into herself like a scared child.

I threw my bike aside – wasting no time to stand it with care as I ran to her.

My gaze never strayed from her turned back as I ran with desperation to reach her. I watched as she slowly released her head and stand tall again as though she had shed away the demons that hunted her.

She leant forward with grace – as though her actions meant nothing like the horror I deemed it to be.

Not once did she look back to me; not once did she look back at the loved ones that she was about to leave.

"No!" I screamed with utter terror.

My hands had just barely reached her before she took that final step – with adrenaline pumping through my veins I took hold of the fabric of her clothes and dragged her closer to the rails. I wrapped my arms around her body as she fumbled back – securing a footing on the barrier I hauled her over and back to the safe side of the barrier.

Falling and tumbling to the ground with a thud my heart pounded in my chest at the tragedy we had narrowly escaped at this god forsaken cliff.

I did not have time for even a moment's reprieve when she begun to struggle against me.

"No! No! No! Natsuki! Get away! Get away Natsuki! I don't! I don't want to do it again!" She cried in hysteria – frantically fighting and flailing against me.

"Shizuru! Stop! Calm down! Stop!" I ordered as I saddled her hips to keep her from escaping.

I pushed her down against the ground and attempted to restrain her hand that tried to shove me away.

"No! Please!" She pleaded with streams of tears falling down her cheeks that gathered dust and gravel in which we struggled upon.

My heart clenched at the panic she was in – the strong independent woman I have always known and cared for was reduced to a mess. Even during the carnival I had never seen her in such a state – I know Shizuru and I know even if sadness and grief has overwhelmed her to such a point – she would still not act in such a way.

This wasn't her. She would have never-. Something- something was very wrong.

"Shizuru stop. Stop. _Please_." I begged – my gentle voice and the slight hitch in tone surprised even me.

Before I knew it, my vision began to blur – tear ran down my face as my adrenaline subsided and her attempt to take her own life hit me.

I abandoned the task of taking hold and taming her wild hands. Instead I wrapped my arms around her waist – slipping my limbs between her and the rocky tarmac beneath.

I held her close but she was not still – she continued to twist and turn below me; her hands went to push against my shoulders in hopes of prying me from her form.

I tightened my hold and protested:

"Stop it Shizuru. You're hurting me."

My complaint was more due to the tarmac scrapping against my leather-clad arms as she flopped around but also from the ache I felt in my chest.

From my words – Shizuru froze – terrified.

I loosen my grip to pull back and look upon her features and her eyes were wide in fear. She stared at me as though both seeing and not seeing me.

Her lips trembled:

"I'm- I'm so sorry, Natsuki. I'm so sorry."

Like a small child she cried and I could do nothing but hold and stroke her quivering head in my arms upon this gritty, accursed road.

"Shhh. It's okay, Shizuru. It's okay."


End file.
